Thursday, November 21, 2013

I'll Be Here

In stormy days or in heavy rain
I'll be here
Waiting for you to come by
And say hello, probably a nice greet
Once you come out of the closet
Or from the dark corner of your heart
Please bear with me dear
As I'll be here
Till the day come
When you could be yourself again
And you need a shoulder to cry on
A pair of ears to listen to your stories or mumbling
I'll always be here
No matter what
Because I genuinely feel the same as you did

Monday, April 1, 2013

Seven Swords of Sin prologue

I can't remember what happened before this. It was so dark. The chaotic moments before death, it seems so true. The images flying out and crash into my piece of head blindly, swallowing my soul bits by bits. This is the end I guess. But somehow Death doesn't allow me to follow him back to whence he came from. I'm stuck here, in the mortal world, wounded, physically, mentally and spiritually ...

I don't know how this starts. This war, it's getting infectious. The first thing you heard is scream, fear and panic everywhere. I guess the part where people says "We mankind are born to battle and rip each other's guts apart" is not true. If it is, then why do we fear it so much that it causes panic? Fear? I guess in the end, each and every one of us deserve and long for peace. But somehow the higher ups were thinking differently. They thought peace can be brought back through violence and demolition of other forces. That is no peace. That is the goddam war.

I opened my eyes, and I see, lights, lights everywhere. I am definitely sure that I am not in the middle of war zone. War zone is a dark place. It clogs hope, joy and all the good things mankind would really desire. It is very violent, every single soldier is forced to oppose their own nature of good into goddam killing machine, shooting anything that moves from the opposite side of the wall. Guilty or innocent is a second thing you would consider when shooting. The only thing that matter is, survival.

But I am not in the middle of that. I was, but now I'm not. I think it's kind of like a shelter for the wounded. More like a mobile hospital or something like that. I couldn't think straight. I am just about to recover from serious injuries, thanks to war. Well apparently my limbs are all intact, unlike the guy next to me. He looses a lot and I don't think he could stay sane even if he survives. What kind of world we're living in right now?

Suddenly, I hear rustle, cries out of a distant. I see somebody approaches me. It's a she. Wearing in white uniform or attire, I couldn't really distinguish it. She is talking to me about something but I couldn't seem to catch anything. Only some words that finally got through, but that won't be enough for me to interpret what she is saying right now. Only then I realized, she is someone that I knew. I knew her even before this war started. I knew her before and I think she is someone to me. Someone very close to me. She is ....

And then little children come at my side, two. The bigger one is a boy, about 4 years old I think. And then his sister I think, about 2 years old. The boy cried. And the woman, comforts him while her eyes just staring at me, holding her tears at bay. The little girl is smiling at me as if she doesn't know anything. She keeps on holding my hand asking me something as if I was someone to her. I think I was, or I am. The same goes to the boy. And I think the woman in white is their mother. Because the little girl, she resembles her more. The little boy, on the other hand, looks familiar to me. As if I'm seeing my own reflection. Am I .... their father?

And there I was, lying on the bed, doing nothing, begging for God to give me strength to cope with the situation. And I asked Him if He could ever give me chances to talk to them, my only family. Please, I beg to Him, please show Your mercy to Your humble servant. And then, I started to talk, but I wasn't aware of what I am talking about. My voice fades away. I could only make some noise, but that won't help. I think my life force is drifting away from my body, probably being sucked down by Death. He really knows how to do his job effectively, damn you.

If only I have the power to change it all, I would use it to give my family; my wife, my children, a better future. They deserve it and I am going to give it to them, personally. And the only way to do that is .... inheriting Man's greatest sin of all, PRIDE...

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

4 years and finally

It has been quite a long time since I've updated this blog. 

Well here's the thing. For 4 years I've waited. I mean, I never had the guts to spill it off to her. I thought she only think of me as a friend. We even never went beyond bestfriend zone although I think almost every day we keep on texting each other. I even realized that somehow, from a normal crush, it evolves and become much and much more significant to my life. Our relationship is mostly based on long distance way of communication and we rarely have the chance to meet each other face to face due to the distance, but that doesn't dampen our growing relationship. It even further extends our chemistry beyond what we imagined. And I never thought that this day might happen, but it did. And I think that I am one of the luckiest man alive. 

Well I did a lot of stupid mistakes. I just keep on giving up on her. I mean, people are queuing up just to get the chance to be with her, and I am just a nobody. I don't have anything to offer. But still this thing had been kept on silent for 4 years. And I think I don't deserve her, and so I did some stupid mistakes, twice.

And that teach me that never give up. Never loose hope. Because sometimes, you will never know the greatest thing it hides beneath all those sufferings. And I never waited for years just for redemption. I breach the promise. Well she did told me that probably few years from now maybe we might have a chance if God's willing.

But I can't wait anymore. I have already face a lot of situation involving selecting the wrong choice and letting the good chances away. I would not let this one slip away. Not anymore.

And so I breach it. I muster all my courage and face her, well not literally, through phone anyway, but still that's the best thing I could come up at that time. And dear God thank you so much for this. I don't know how could I ever repay You.

If I choose to wait, I wouldn't have know the answer. I wouldn't have the chance to reconcile. And probably that might be the last time I ever contacted her. I risk and I gamble. I don't care the consequences. At least I am trying my best to win her back.

And it works


Wednesday, January 16, 2013


Yes, the problem is solved. didn't you read the previous message. It says "Goodbye".

The end is inevitable. It will come either sooner or later. You should realize that earlier and be prepare about it.

There's no point on bringing up this matter. I'm sealing it off as it should. And it should end. At least you didn't have the chance to become the villain.

I don't think you would be needing me. There's a lot more people around you that are way better than me.

I think you could live the rest of your life without me. So why bother for my disappearance.

I am just a friend of nothing less importance to your whole life. You have families, close friends and even your soul mate. You don't need me.

This relationship will end even if nothing happens. So why don't I speed up the matter.

Besides we never really spend time together. There is no way you could prove that we are that close.

Anything that happens within the phone remains in the phone. In real world we are nothing more than a stranger.

You are not alone anymore and my existence is no more proven to be beneficial in your life. Take this as a new phase.

And so, goodbye...