Pace

When I was young and small, people keep telling me what I should do, instead of what I'm capable of.

In the end, I turned out to be the machine everybody wanted me to be.

But does that satisfy me? No.

Apparently, as I grow older, I learn that you should go by your own pace.

Don't follow other people's pace, some might be faster than you, some might be slower than you.

Go with your own pace. Don't go along with the flow.

You are your own flow. Don't let people dictate what you should do.

Instead, search for yourself, for what is your worth in this world.

You'll sure find your place some day.

InsyaAllah.

Best Things About Cycling

1) You could improve your stamina and recovery rate. Ever since January up to May I've been cycling like hell a lot and I've found out that I could go further without tiring myself and also, I could recover from fatigue quite faster than before. That's an improvement.

2) Feel faster. Feeling the breeze when riding a motorcycle is way different than achieving it through cycling. Even though you could only manage to go up to 30 km/h but you feel as if you're flying. Wait till you go downhill, it's way crazier and fun when you're going almost 40-50 km/h. That gust that blow directly to your face as you struggle to speed up is the best thing ever you could achieve through cycling.

3) Healthy mind. When you go on cycling you tend to forget all the problems that have been going on in your life. Even though you're alone, along the way you'll find new friends; guys who enjoy cycling as much as you do and you might join their pack. I think every cyclist have some sort of level of respect for each other because we understand how much effort we need to put in order to go for such distance; be it near or far; still, your effort counts every kilometers you put through that pedal.

4) Challenge. People always thought that big guys couldn't make it in cycling. In fact, they're wrong. I've seen guys way fatter and bigger than me, putting up way in front of me when they're cycling. You could be 90-100 kg and still be a cyclist. It's different than running and jogging. Running and jogging might wear you off due to your weight, but not cycling. At best, you might wear your legs but every little effort counts. You could start near; like 5 km for starters or if you feel that's just very short you could go for 10 km in the first try, but always make sure you have someone to accompany you to give you a little bit of drafting when you cycle. They always say; cycling in a group is fun, exciting and better to improve your performance. So take this as a challenge. Not only that, but I think that cycling makes me try to improve my time when going over distance. I'll try to make it faster and faster but the traffic conditions might vary every time; still improving my average speed and keeping a steady pace is the key for better performance in the long run.

Pedal

It's been few years since I write for my blog. Well, thanks to microblogging on Twitter, apparently I've kinda lose some of the writing skills, but hell let's give it a try.

I since realized after my departure from a not single life to a single life apparently gives me the opportunity to explore other alternatives to fill in my free time. I manage to find a very seductive and powerful hobby that makes me forget what it feels like to be together with someone else. Yeah, thanks to you bicycle.

Cycling makes me feel alive again. And yet it challenges my very body and soul in order to break my own limits. With this kind of physique, I never thought of myself to reach a higher speed by just running or jogging, but cycling opens a new realm of speed to me. Well, for car drivers that realm wont be said as "fast" since they could rev up their mechanical engine and go way past beyond human capabilities. But when it comes to bicycle, it helps human achieve the impossible; the dream to catch the wind.

Of course, at first I struggle to even make a distance of 10-12 km on my own, but apparently I have forgotten that long time ago, when I was a kid, I enjoyed this sensation of aggressively pedaling with your own bare legs to see how fast you could achieve. At that time, feeling the breeze straight knocking your face was the most wonderful sensation I've ever had. That's my sole drive. That's what I want to achieve when I start cycling again.

I do think a lot when I'm cycling. A lot of random thoughts but that didn't resist me to appreciate the scenery while I'm going down the paved roads. Struggling against the opposite wind, the traffic, the road conditions, against slope or hills, it makes me want to explore every region every possible route that I could travel. 

It's wonderful. And I honestly enjoy it. 

I'll Be Here

In stormy days or in heavy rain
I'll be here
Waiting for you to come by
And say hello, probably a nice greet
Once you come out of the closet
Or from the dark corner of your heart
Please bear with me dear
As I'll be here
Waiting
Watching
Patiently
Till the day come
When you could be yourself again
And you need a shoulder to cry on
A pair of ears to listen to your stories or mumbling
I'll always be here
No matter what
Because I genuinely feel the same as you did
^__^

Seven Swords of Sin prologue

I can't remember what happened before this. It was so dark. The chaotic moments before death, it seems so true. The images flying out and crash into my piece of head blindly, swallowing my soul bits by bits. This is the end I guess. But somehow Death doesn't allow me to follow him back to whence he came from. I'm stuck here, in the mortal world, wounded, physically, mentally and spiritually ...

I don't know how this starts. This war, it's getting infectious. The first thing you heard is scream, fear and panic everywhere. I guess the part where people says "We mankind are born to battle and rip each other's guts apart" is not true. If it is, then why do we fear it so much that it causes panic? Fear? I guess in the end, each and every one of us deserve and long for peace. But somehow the higher ups were thinking differently. They thought peace can be brought back through violence and demolition of other forces. That is no peace. That is the goddam war.

I opened my eyes, and I see, lights, lights everywhere. I am definitely sure that I am not in the middle of war zone. War zone is a dark place. It clogs hope, joy and all the good things mankind would really desire. It is very violent, every single soldier is forced to oppose their own nature of good into goddam killing machine, shooting anything that moves from the opposite side of the wall. Guilty or innocent is a second thing you would consider when shooting. The only thing that matter is, survival.

But I am not in the middle of that. I was, but now I'm not. I think it's kind of like a shelter for the wounded. More like a mobile hospital or something like that. I couldn't think straight. I am just about to recover from serious injuries, thanks to war. Well apparently my limbs are all intact, unlike the guy next to me. He looses a lot and I don't think he could stay sane even if he survives. What kind of world we're living in right now?

Suddenly, I hear rustle, cries out of a distant. I see somebody approaches me. It's a she. Wearing in white uniform or attire, I couldn't really distinguish it. She is talking to me about something but I couldn't seem to catch anything. Only some words that finally got through, but that won't be enough for me to interpret what she is saying right now. Only then I realized, she is someone that I knew. I knew her even before this war started. I knew her before and I think she is someone to me. Someone very close to me. She is ....

And then little children come at my side, two. The bigger one is a boy, about 4 years old I think. And then his sister I think, about 2 years old. The boy cried. And the woman, comforts him while her eyes just staring at me, holding her tears at bay. The little girl is smiling at me as if she doesn't know anything. She keeps on holding my hand asking me something as if I was someone to her. I think I was, or I am. The same goes to the boy. And I think the woman in white is their mother. Because the little girl, she resembles her more. The little boy, on the other hand, looks familiar to me. As if I'm seeing my own reflection. Am I .... their father?

And there I was, lying on the bed, doing nothing, begging for God to give me strength to cope with the situation. And I asked Him if He could ever give me chances to talk to them, my only family. Please, I beg to Him, please show Your mercy to Your humble servant. And then, I started to talk, but I wasn't aware of what I am talking about. My voice fades away. I could only make some noise, but that won't help. I think my life force is drifting away from my body, probably being sucked down by Death. He really knows how to do his job effectively, damn you.

If only I have the power to change it all, I would use it to give my family; my wife, my children, a better future. They deserve it and I am going to give it to them, personally. And the only way to do that is ....

...by inheriting Man's greatest sin of all, PRIDE...

4 years and finally

It has been quite a long time since I've updated this blog. 

Well here's the thing. For 4 years I've waited. I mean, I never had the guts to spill it off to her. I thought she only think of me as a friend. We even never went beyond bestfriend zone although I think almost every day we keep on texting each other. I even realized that somehow, from a normal crush, it evolves and become much and much more significant to my life. Our relationship is mostly based on long distance way of communication and we rarely have the chance to meet each other face to face due to the distance, but that doesn't dampen our growing relationship. It even further extends our chemistry beyond what we imagined. And I never thought that this day might happen, but it did. And I think that I am one of the luckiest man alive. 

Well I did a lot of stupid mistakes. I just keep on giving up on her. I mean, people are queuing up just to get the chance to be with her, and I am just a nobody. I don't have anything to offer. But still this thing had been kept on silent for 4 years. And I think I don't deserve her, and so I did some stupid mistakes, twice.

And that teach me that never give up. Never loose hope. Because sometimes, you will never know the greatest thing it hides beneath all those sufferings. And I never waited for years just for redemption. I breach the promise. Well she did told me that probably few years from now maybe we might have a chance if God's willing.

But I can't wait anymore. I have already face a lot of situation involving selecting the wrong choice and letting the good chances away. I would not let this one slip away. Not anymore.

And so I breach it. I muster all my courage and face her, well not literally, through phone anyway, but still that's the best thing I could come up at that time. And dear God thank you so much for this. I don't know how could I ever repay You.

If I choose to wait, I wouldn't have know the answer. I wouldn't have the chance to reconcile. And probably that might be the last time I ever contacted her. I risk and I gamble. I don't care the consequences. At least I am trying my best to win her back.

And it works

^__^

Goodbye

Yes, the problem is solved. didn't you read the previous message. It says "Goodbye".

The end is inevitable. It will come either sooner or later. You should realize that earlier and be prepare about it.

There's no point on bringing up this matter. I'm sealing it off as it should. And it should end. At least you didn't have the chance to become the villain.

I don't think you would be needing me. There's a lot more people around you that are way better than me.

I think you could live the rest of your life without me. So why bother for my disappearance.

I am just a friend of nothing less importance to your whole life. You have families, close friends and even your soul mate. You don't need me.

This relationship will end even if nothing happens. So why don't I speed up the matter.

Besides we never really spend time together. There is no way you could prove that we are that close.

Anything that happens within the phone remains in the phone. In real world we are nothing more than a stranger.

You are not alone anymore and my existence is no more proven to be beneficial in your life. Take this as a new phase.

And so, goodbye...